Today I asked for help. As I said in a previous post, I don’t think of myself as someone who self-sabotages. But I am terrible at asking for help. I don’t do it to be a martyr, or because I want to fail, but the result is that I don’t always enjoy things to the fullest extent possible because I am overwhelmed.
I have always defined the concept of self-sabotage as something people do because subconsciously, they don’t want to succeed. I see now that I can desire success and still get in my own way. Not asking for help is a BIG one for me. I even wrote a blog post about it ten years ago.
As I mentioned, Landry and I are doing a clinic with a Sports Psychologist tomorrow. We have the first two rides of the day, which start at 9am. And so, I asked if someone could give the horses a bath for me this afternoon, when it is warmer.
I do like to torture myself with the burden of it all. Fanning the mental flames of “I can’t get it all done!” so that my whole body vibrates at a very high frequency and I need a glass of wine to knock back the anxiety.
I also really like to do the work myself. There is satisfaction in presenting a beautifully turned-out horse. But getting the teen up and out the door, hooking up the trailer, loading all the horses and equipment, then driving across town to a place we have never been will be enough hard work to provide satisfaction at the end of the day. I feel good about asking for help so that I can be fully engaged in this learning opportunity. I am going to try to be more open to asking for and receiving help going forward.